Wednesday, February 11, 2009

:: Crazy Lady on Road 80 ::: Anthro no apology Giveaway

:: Crazy Lady on Road 80 ::: Anthro no apology Giveaway

Can you believe this awesome giveaway? She really is a crazy lady... I wonder if she really does live on Road 80 though.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

My Resolutions

As I sit here reading some of my favorite blogs (i.e. crash test dummy and her comments) while playing Settlers of Catan in java, I'm feeling sort of guilty. The main reason I feel sort of guilty is I am sitting here on the couch with my feet up on my huge pile of laundry while every thirty seconds I hear one of my children's creepy toys say, "I see you," in a high pitched voice. *Shiver* New Years came and went and while I had some ideas of great things I wanted to do with my life, I never sat down and blogged, oops, I mean, wrote them down. So here are my New Years Resolutions. I am going to so alter my life that people won't recognize me. (Or people who went to high school with me will recognize me.)

1. Take a sleeping pill every night at 8:30 so I will be able to go to sleep by 9:30 at the latest. Which will thereby enable me to:
2. Wake up every morning at 6:00 (or earlier of course) which will help me change from being a night owl to a morning person who is addicted to sleeping pills.
3. After waking up at 6:00am at the latest I will read my scriptures without falling asleep and then commence my daily 5 mile run.
4. Making sure to be showered, dressed, and primped with my apron on, I will then have a hot breakfast ready for my husband who has previously never seen me conscious before leaving for work. (I need to go buy an apron!)
5. Even though by 10am I will be dead tired and ready for a nap I will not walk down to the local Circle K to get a hit of Dr. Pepper because I will not drink a drop of soda this entire year! Can I do it? Can I? Yes!
6. I will strive everyday to have a craft/activity/recipe/thank you card session/TV show to do with my lovely children.
7. I will clean up this craft/activity/recipe/thank you card session/TV show immediately after completing and taking a picture to brag about on my family blog.
8. I will iron my clothes before wearing them. in public.
9. I will attempt to iron my husband clothes for him so he won't have to do them himself.
10. I will not leave laundry piles around my house that are very comfortable to put my feet up on.
11. I will quit complaining that I have 3 children under the age of four. Waa.
12. I will make it to sacrament meeting before the sacrament is passed out. Then I will go back home and get the rest of my pajama-clad family ready.

Shoot! It's midnight already and I didn't take my sleeping pill. I guess I'll have to start being fantastically different tomorrow. I'm going to go eat that donut that I hid from my husband and tfind some soda somewhere around this house. Then I'm going to hunt down that toy that just said I see you! again, and chuck it in the garbage can. This is going to be a great year! 2009!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Hooray! Today was the best day!

Some pretty great things happened to me and around me today and I'd like to share them with you, my special blogger friends. (Cuz I'm a sharer.)

Two separate families from my ward brought me, I mean our family, little bags of Christmas goodies. Free cookies! And they're filled with love!

I won a lottery raffle drawing from the YMCA for a free 6 month Gym membership! Now I can quit paying my fat tax to LA Fitness! Aren't tax cuts great!

After a year and a half of potty training and refusal, my four year old finally went #2 on the potty! For the first time! It's a freaking Christmas miracle! (I can't believe I have two more children to potty train. I think I'm going to outsource or send them to potty training camp instead cuz I'm SUCH a good mother.)

What a wonderful day! I am high on life... and sugar.

Wanna-Be Super Recipe #1

Did six o'clock sneak up on you too fast? Do you need a super-quick, tasty meal idea that your children will actually eat? Follow these easy instructions from Yours Truly.

1. Pull out a bag of tortilla chips and pre-shredded cheese. (You could shred your own cheese if you insist but that isn't super-quick or easy, now is it?)
2. Pull out small paper plates. (Paper plates are crucial to being a Wanna-Be Super Mom. They add the necessary ambiance to an underachieving lifestyle.)
3. Dump a handful of tortilla chips on plate and spread out slightly.
4. Dump a handful of pre-shredded cheese on top of chips.
5. Microwave for less than thirty seconds or it will be so burnt and crusty that I can't guarantee your children will eat it. Set aside momentarily.
6. Open a can of black beans, rinse disgusting goop off and dump in microwavable bowl. (Don't be grossed out by the visual.)
7. Sprinkle black beans lightly with garlic salt so they will be edible.
8. Microwave for one to two minutes.
9. Scoop black beans on top of chips.
10. If you are one of THOSE people who have to add a garnish to everything, you can open a can of olives and sprinkle on top of beans and chips.
11. Serve to grateful, hungry, happy family with a smile!
12. When family is done eating scrape up partially chewed olive chunks off of floor, along with crushed up chips crumbs on chairs.
13. Then hose down ceiling to wash off the effects of flinging black beans.

Underachieving Cleaning Tip #2

If you hate to mop your kitchen floor, just like Yours Truly, then follow my easy instructions for a fast, quick, lazy clean. (The type of mopping only underachievers can achieve.)

1. Keep on the lookout for your two year old to decide to fill up his own sippy cup to the brim using the convenient/inconvenient refrigerator door water spout.
2. Ignore him while he tries to put on his own lid.
3. When he goes to take a drink from said sippy cup without the lid properly in place, gasp loudly as the ice cold water runs down his shirt and all over the kitchen floor.
4. Ignore him for ten more seconds to ensure a second spill of water in a different spot.
5. Help him put the lid on correctly and send him off to make mischief with a pat on the bum.
6. Grab a towel and drop it on the floor in the general vicinity of the 8 ounces of water.
7. Use preferred foot to swipe the towel through the 8 ounces of water.
8. Sweep the wet towel over the dirty spots in the kitchen until floor is presentable.
9. Leave towel on floor until a convenient time to take upstairs to the laundry room.
10. With a smile on your face, smack your hands together, then put your hands on your hips and say, "My job here is done!"

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Help! Santa is Bewildered and Broke!

Alright people! We have less than ten days until Christmas and I've got to get my act together! I need some advice from my dear fellow bloggers and followers. (Look I have FOUR followers! Awesome! I heart you all! *kiss kiss*) Here is the situation:

I bought some toys last year after Christmas on clearance and saved them for this Christmas (cuz we have no mo-neh.) I bought my four year old a HUGE (it's scary how huge it is) Lego set because he loves Legos and they will be from Daddy and me. I also bought a little bike that will be from Santa. I tried to get him excited about a bike for his birthday six months ago and he has not been interested=(. But he NEEDS to learn those gross motor skills soon or he's going to be one of THOSE kids that is picked last for teams or can't escape the dodge ball... like I was. So I'm sort of surprise/forcing this bike on him, I guess.

However, lately he has wanted some stupid, little toy he saw on a commercial. He is telling everyone that usually likes to spoil him - Granny, Meme, Santa, Aunt Balena. It's called Pixos Popper? Does anyone know what I am talking about? Bueller? I could probably afford this $15 gift if I cut back a little on the groceries this week. So the dilemma is: should I go and buy him this lame toy that is his heart's desire? Do I dash all his dreams? Or do I stick to my guns and save my dough? Is there too many metaphors going on right now? I just dunno. (Hey I just made a rhyme! I'm a poet and just don't know it.)
So help me out my fellow bloggers/time wasters! Good karma will be sprinkled upon you all if and when you leave me an advisory/clever/silly comment. (Same as any time you leave me a comment.) (Seriously, I will also include you in my nightly prayers... by screen name. =) How do you handle the Santa business for your family?

Monday, December 8, 2008

I Confess #4

This blog is all about the true things that happen in my home or with my family that I am embarrassed about. This is a place for me to get those things off my chest or off my mind so I don't accidentally slip and tell them to people who actually know me... or CPS. So in the spirit of honesty and trusting in the camaraderie of the bloggernacle; I must relate this story.

Picture me in the kitchen, cooking dinner. Picture husband upstairs, not watching children. Suddenly a howl, the dramatic four-year old doing his typical attention getting cry/wail. There I am, semi-ignoring it because this happens 25-30 times a day over the lamest things like he spilled a drop of water on his shoe or Mr. Sun went behind a cloud.

"What is wrong, honey?"

"Mooo-oooooooooooom! Two year old stabbed meeeeeee!" (Of course he didn't say two year old but remember... shh!... the mommy mafia!)

I perk up, slightly more concerned, "What did he stab you with?"

Then I see my angelic two year old come around the corner with a super-pokey paring knife and a scary, sinister look in his eye.

Now I'm completely freaking out. "Holy shucks!!! Where did he stab you?" I say, while mentally picturing blood pouring out of a hidden wound.

He pointed to his armpit, and luckily there was not even a mark. I swear, I do not know how my little two year old got the knife. Of course I took the knife away immediately! What do you take me for!?!?!

I am a safety freak! After the paring knife incident, I was beating myself up about watching the kids better and making sure everything was two-year-old-proofed. I was at my SIL's today and my nephew came in from the garage holding these giant tree trimming clippers. Then I didn't feel quite so bad.

Has anything completely irresponsible and dangerous like this ever happened to you? Should I beat myself up some more and put myself in timeout? Please share your opinions/judgements, I can take it.